


Shadow of a Doubt

by Risi



Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 09:29:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Risi/pseuds/Risi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. For all the truths in this world, there are always lies we never expected.</p><p>(Vague summary for good reason)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rescued

When the yelling began, the child curled into a ball. When she heard gunfire, she began sobbing. She was terrified for her life.

He had begun the yelling. He had lead the shooting. He saw the girl's injuries. He saw the cultists' weapons and things. He had to protect the child.

When the noise died down she stopped sobbing in favor of quietly sniffling. She remained in her defensive curl.

He sat in front of the huddled girl, and gently put a hand on her shoulder while whispering, "Hey. Hi."

She jerked away from his touch, whimpering in fear. "No!" She screeched, curling herself up further.

He pulled back his hand. "Hey, it's okay kiddo. I won't hurt you. You're okay." He spoke as calmly as he could, trying to get her to let him help her.

Gradually she loosened her posture. She winced in pain as she moved, still bleeding from the wrists.

As she loosened up, he placed his hand back on her shoulder. She tensed up a bit, but leaned into his touch. "Alright kiddo, c'mere." He said after she had relaxed a bit.

She dove forward when he asked her, and she wept into his shoulder, clinging to him tightly.

He was startled when she buried herself against him, but wrapped her in his arms. "Okay kiddo, we're gonna go." He told her, gently lifting the small child into his arms. "You alright?"

"Mm-hmm." She hummed into his shoulder, showing no signs of letting go of him.

As he carried her, he talked to her. "Let me introduce myself. My name is Nolan. What's your name?"

She raised her head and mumbled "Irisa." Then buried her face in his shoulder again.

He carried her to the medical tent that his associates had ready. "Kiddo, I'm gonna have my friend dress your wounds, okay? She'll get you feeling all better."

"Don't leave." She didn't ask. She simply stated that he wasn't allowed to go.

"I'm not going anywhere, Irisa. Gladys, I got an injured kid here!" He called for the doctor, who walked over to him. Gladys frowned at him.

"Is she expecting me to be able to help her when she's clinging to you like that, Nolan?" Gladys asked him, annoyed.

Irisa clung tighter to Nolan. "Not letting go."

Nolan frowned at that. "Irisa, you have to let go of me so Gladys can help you. She looks a little scary but she won't hurt you."

Irisa was silent for a long moment. "Looks?" She asked hesitantly.

Gladys frowned further. "Nolan, put her on the exam table-"

"No!" Irisa shrieked, causing Nolan to wince.

"-or sit down and turn her so she's facing me." Gladys amended, and Irisa did not object.

When Nolan got himself seated and had Irisa on his lap, facing outward, he frowned. She wasn't looking around. She moved only when someone spoke.

Gladys looked over the girl. "She's blind. That's why she won't let you put her down. She has no way to navigate. Also she needs antivenom for the snake bite. And if you would be so kind could you cut the rest of the twine away from her wrists?" The doctor handed him a pair of scissors.

"She- I mean, Irisa, you're blind?" Nolan asked the little girl, stunned. "Why didn't you say anything?" He carefully untied the twine tying her wrists rather than cut it off.

"They said my blindness meant I was chosen to see. I didn't want to be chosen again. It was bad enough that mommy and daddy made me go to whatever you saved me from." Irisa explained simply, holding still as Nolan untied her wrists.

Gladys returned with the antivenom and bandages and some rubbing alcohol. "Sounds like a Castithan cult's philosophy. Don't know how an Irathient family got roped in." She stated and started cleaning Irisa's wounds. To Irisa's credit she merely winced at the stinging of the cleaning agent. The child didn't speak again until after Gladys was gone.

"What's a Castithan? What's an Irathient?" Irisa asked once Gladys had her patched up. She was alone with Nolan now, eating a sandwich on his lap, still happy to snuggle into his chest.

Nolan didn't really know how to explain to the girl without using appearance as description, but he tried. "Well, Castithans and Irathients are two of the kinds of people in the world. You are an Irathient, and Irathients are strong, brave people who fight for what they believe in. Castithans are bossy."

"Oh." Irisa said, and then thought a moment. "You're an Irathient then, aren't you? You're strong and brave and fought for me."

Nolan chuckled. "I like how you think, kiddo." He patted her head gently. No harm in letting her think he was an Irathient, right?

For a while they sat in silence. Nolan thought maybe the little girl fell asleep, until she tugged on his jacket gently.

"Nolan? What's going to happen to me now?" Irisa whispered, scared.

Nolan thought for a moment. "Well, you can't go back to your parents, so I guess you're stuck with me until we can find a family who will love you."

"Can't you be my family? Don't you already care about me?" Irisa gazed up at his face with sightless eyes, still managing to stare at him.

"Let's get some rest, kiddo. We can talk more about family tomorrow." Nolan said, lifting Irisa into his arms again, ready to settle her into his bedroll. He could sleep on the ground for now.

"Do you promise to be there when I wake up? You won't leave me?" Irisa asked as he settled her in the bedroll, her eyes shimmering.

"Of course I promise, Irisa. Now get some sleep. You've had quite a day." Nolan gave her a kiss on the forehead, and sat beside her, leaning against a crate.

Irisa yawned and after a few minutes she was sleeping soundly. Nolan smiled at her, he could enjoy being family to this kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... not a lot going on in the world of Defiance fics lately, huh? Well, this has been rattling around my head for a few months now. Please tell me your thoughts, this is the first time I've written a blind character so any tips or ideas would be welcome. I have a few more chapters written, but I'm not gonna post all at once. Um, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it so far!
> 
> And for those of you following my crossover that I haven't updated in... a long time... I'm just a tad stuck on it, I haven't given up completely.


	2. Lies

Nolan told Irisa to wait in the roller, that this arkfall looked too jagged for her to explore. She scowled at him but waited anyway.

As Nolan explored the fallen ship, Irisa just listened to the sounds of the badlands. Sabre-wolves, rabbits, motorcy- Irisa snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the motorcycles.

"Shtako, Spirit Riders! Damnit Nolan, get back here!" She muttered to herself, slipping her BMG into her grasp.

"What have we here? An Irathient child left behind?" The voice was deep and male, but Irisa didn't recognize it. She raised her weapon towards the voice.

"Get away. My father and I do not like intruders." Irisa snarled, wishing Nolan would hurry up.

"Ooh, she's a fiery one, Sukar!" This voice was female and came from the other direction. Irisa whipped around, flicking her BMG from side to side.

"Get away from here. My father will be back soon and he doesn't like other people bothering me." Irisa deadpanned to the female voice.

"Bothering you? Hey, you're the only one holding a weapon here." The woman said, annoyed. "Eneziri, tishinka."

Sukar spoke before Irisa could respond. "Rynn, she is blind. Of course she is defensive. She has no way of knowing if you have a weapon."

"Seriously?" Rynn asked, and Irisa mumbled a confirmation under her breath. "Sorry kid."  
"It's fine. What do you want?" Irisa was still wary of the two.

Rynn scoffed. "Just wanted to see what a fellow Irathient was doing in the badlands. Sukar was just being careful and babying me."

"Rynn, you are still a child. You need to be kept safe." Sukar said to his young ward.

"Sukar, we've been traveling together for over ten years! I'm not twelve anymore." Rynn grumbled.

"So you're adopted too?" Irisa interjected, silencing the two Irathients' argument. "My father, Nolan, he adopted me when I was little. Are you guys like us?"

"Uh, yeah. Sukar took me in after my parents were murdered." Rynn said after she recovered.  
"For one without eyes you can truly see, Tishinka." Sukar added. Irisa blushed.

"Nolan says I am insightful. I'm Irisa. Nice to meet you both." Irisa ventured, letting her BMG power off. "Nolan will be back soon. Stay or don't." Irisa could hear Nolan trudging out of the arkfall somewhere behind her. "Here he comes now."

Rynn turned around to see that there was someone approaching from the ark. She frowned and walked over to Sukar. "Sukar. This isn't right." She whispered into his ear.

"Easy Rynn." Sukar hushed the woman, but stood warily.

"Hey kiddo, who are your..." Nolan started asking as he walked up, but he trailed off when he saw the two Irathients glaring at him. "...who are your friends?" He finished.

Irisa stepped out of the roller and gave Nolan a hug.

"Nolan, this is Rynn and Sukar, they're like us. Sukar adopted Rynn just like you adopted me!"

Rynn narrowed her eyes at Nolan. "There are a few differences." Her voice was icy.

Sukar put a hand on Irisa's shoulder. "You never mentioned your father was human."

"Huh? No he's not! Nolan, tell them!" Irisa looked in Nolan's direction, but he remained silent. Her voice grew frantic. "That first night after you saved me, you said! You told me you were an Irathient!"

"Well, ah, thing is, kiddo..." Nolan spoke haltingly, and frowned.

"You said! You... You lied to me?" Irisa's voice wavered.

"No, I didn't lie! You just assumed I was an Irathient and I never corrected you."

"That's the same as lying!" Irisa shrieked, and took a step away.

"How can you even be sure he saved you? Did you ever get the whole story?" Rynn snarled.

"Nolan promised me that... But..." Irisa clutched at her head, and collapsed on the ground.

"Kiddo!"

Nolan reached for her, but Rynn kneeled beside her first. "Haven't you done enough?" Rynn wrapped her arm over Irisa's shoulders and kept the younger woman steady.

"Kiddo, I-"

"You don't get to call me that! Get away from me!" Irisa cut Nolan off, screeching. "Leave me alone. Don't come back."

"I'm not leaving you alone in the badlands!" Nolan countered.

"She will come with us. Be gone human." Sukar said, towering over Nolan.

"Irisa..." Nolan began.

"Get away!" She screamed again, huddling up against Rynn.

Nolan shook his head. He opened the roller and got her BMG out, along with her duffle bag. "Does she have her cane in her pocket? It folds up." He asked Rynn, who gently checked Irisa's coat pockets. She pulled out the folded white cane. Nolan nodded. "Don't let her get hurt. She needs time, sure, but don't let her get hurt. I still love her."

Sukar didn't stop Nolan from speaking, but didn't let him get any closer either. "Be gone human. I protect my family, and that means I will protect Irisa. Don't make me protect her from you."

Nolan nodded sadly and drove his roller away. Irisa was now clinging to Rynn's arm and sobbing. Sukar shook his head and sighed. The human clearly loved the girl, but she felt so betrayed.

"Rynn. Wait with her, I will get Rathus and Nizar to bring the roller around." Sukar said after Irisa had calmed down. Rynn nodded, and Sukar rode off to find the other riders.

Rynn very carefully pried Irisa's vice-like grip off her arm. "Look, if you have to hug me fine, but I can't have you squeeze my arm off. Okay?"

Irisa sniffled and allowed Rynn to free herself. Rynn shook her arm a little, then put her arm over Irisa's shoulders once again. "Rynn?" Irisa mumbled, "What's gonna happen to me now? Why did Nolan lie to me? Do you think he really saved me?"

Rynn was silent a moment. "Sukar will take care of you, and I'll keep you safe too. You're a pretty cool kid. I don't know why that human lied to you but I wouldn't trust him at all. Human men murdered my mother and father while I hid. They slashed up my face too. I can't trust humans."

Irisa was quiet for a beat. "I'm sorry Rynn. Thank you for this, who knows how long I would've been lied to if I hadn't met you." Irisa leaned against Rynn's shoulder, trying to stay strong. "Huh?" She lifted her head a moment later, she heard a roller.

"Rynn, I don't want to meet more more people." Irisa mumbled as Sukar returned with the other men.

"Irisa, this is Rathus and Nizar. They usually take turns driving the roller. You can ride with them." Sukar explained, and Irisa slowly hid behind Rynn.

"Sukar. Can't I drive Irisa? She is clearly overwhelmed." Rynn said carefully, trying to calm the girl.

"Yes, I suppose that makes sense. I'll load her bag, why don't you help her into the roller?" Sukar responded, grabbing the girl's bag and tucking it into the storage on the roller. He, Rathus and Nizar all rode off on their bikes, and Irisa loosened up from behind Rynn.

"Thank you, sister." Irisa mumbled. Then she blushed. "I mean, thank you Rynn."

Rynn ruffled the younger woman's hair. "Hey, whatever works for you, kid. Now, uh, what's the folded stick for?" Rynn pressed the folded cane into Irisa's palm.

"Oh! My cane! I need it to walk." Irisa extended the cane to its full length and started walking to the roller. Rynn was impressed.

Rynn shook her head and grabbed the BMG that had been left on the ground. "Right. Let's roll."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Risa. She doesn't take lies well though, so what can you expect? Rynn's got her back though, so fret not.
> 
> Oh! If you are unfamiliar with BMG weapons, they are from the Defiance game. They shoot a beam of electricity at the enemy, and you only have to point it in the general direction of the intended victim, which means that even blind, Irisa could use it successfully.
> 
> Nolan wouldn't give a blind girl knives after all.
> 
> This is what a BMG looks like:
> 
>  


	3. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calling this a mini chapter, it continues the story but it's only a few hundred words.
> 
> Its Rynn and Irisa bonding time!

Irisa shut down after Rynn started driving. She stopped talking completely. Rynn was concerned, but didn't know what to do.

"Kid, what's up with you? Why'd you go all quiet?" She asked Irisa simply, glancing at her passenger. Irisa was tucked in a ball.

"Nothing. It's nothing." Irisa mumbled, sniffling.

"It's something." Rynn asserted. "I know that your life just got turned upside down, but it's happened to me too. It'll be alright. You're tough, you're smart, you'll be fine."

"But I'm not smart." Irisa murmured. "If I were smart I would've known he was lying."

Rynn bit her lip. "Hey, don't blame yourself. You couldn't... Can't see that he's different. Humans are deceptive, and without eyes..." Rynn trailed off. Maybe she had gone too far. "Kid, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's fine. I just thought I knew him, that I knew myself. If everything has been a lie, then who am I? All I've ever had was Nolan. What am I now?" Irisa faced Rynn, tears welling up in her eyes again.

Rynn parked the roller and grabbed Irisa's hand. "Listen to me, Tishinka. I wondered who I was after I lost my parents. I have to live with seeing them die everyday." Rynn lifted Irisa's hand to her face. "You feel these scars around my eye?" Irisa hummed a confirmation. "They bled on and off for a week. You have to let the scars from this heal. They aren't on the outside like these, but you have scars from this. They're still raw now, but they'll heal."

Irisa got a good sense of Rynn's scars, and pulled her hand away. She wasn't big on touching people's faces, but she understood Rynn's point. "So you're saying I should just wait? That this will stop hurting?" Irisa asked, skeptical.

Rynn shook her head, then realized that wouldn't mean anything. "No, it won't just go away. But it will get easier." She sighed.

"I... I guess." Irisa sighed. She curled up in a ball once again.

Rynn started the roller again, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. It'll get better, someday." Irisa was nonresponsive.


	4. Memory Waves

Rynn pulled the roller into the area the other Riders had begun to set up camp in. She had spent longer talking to Irisa than she thought. She tapped the younger woman's shoulder. "Hey. The others are setting up camp here. You need any help getting out of the roller?"

Irisa grunted, the sound making it _very_ clear that she had been sleeping. "G'way. M'busy." Irisa grumbled, waving her hand in Rynn's direction. Rynn rolled her eyes and got out of the roller. She walked over to the passenger side door and opened it, causing Irisa to sort of hang out of the vehicle, suspended only by the seat belt. Irisa yelped. "Hey! I said I was busy!" she protested, trying to pull herself back into a sitting position.

Rynn chuckled and pushed Irisa back into the seat and unbuckled the seat belt. "And I ignored you. C'mon, let's go. You need help, or are you fine getting out?" Irisa flicked her cane out and lightly smacked Rynn's arm with it. "Okay, you're good."

Irisa hopped out of the roller and walked up to Rynn. "Um, now what? Where can I go to think?" Irisa asked shyly.

Rynn considered a moment. "Well, I could ask Sukar what you should do. If you want to wait here or follow me, whatever."

Irisa grabbed Rynn's arm. "I'd like to follow you please." Rynn gently lead the girl to where Sukar was pitching a tent.

"Hey Sukar. Sorry we're a little late." Rynn greeted her father figure. He looked up from the tent poles he was assembling.

"Rynn, Tishinka, hello." Sukar replied, turning back to his tent. "Rynn, why don't you go help prepare dinner? Karrina is skinning a wild pow, and I think she could use the help. And I wanted to talk to you, Irisa."

Rynn patted the hand Irisa had on her arm. "You'll be fine if I go help with dinner right?" She asked.

"I'll be fine." Irisa said, releasing Rynn's arm. Rynn walked away to help Karrina with the food preparation. Irisa turned back to Sukar. "What'd you want from me?" She asked, somewhat nervous.

"Be calm, Tishinka. I just wanted to ask you about some things. Is that alright?" Sukar spoke calmly, and Irisa felt a little better.

"Yeah, what do you want to know?"

"Have you always been blind?" Sukar asked, and Irisa was surprised. No one had ever asked her questions like that, it was odd to her.

"When I was really little I could see a bit. Not very well, but I remember colors and shapes. Things got darker and darker and by the time I was two everything was gone." Irisa explained, and Sukar nodded to himself.

"Thank you." He said, satisfied with this answer. "Why did you end up with the human? Not what he told you, but what do you remember from that day?" Irisa tensed up at the memory.

She fidgeted slightly before speaking. "Well, um, my parents told me I was chosen to 'see' and that we were going to a ceremony or something? They took me somewhere I had never been, and there was a lot of chanting and people were touching me and they put something on my back and then they tied me to a chair. Then something bit me and they were chanting louder and I was crying really loud then they cut the ties on my wrists and I curled up in a ball and then there was shouting and then I heard guns... Then everything got kinda quiet and Nolan told me I'd be okay and he carried me to a doctor and she helped me and then Nolan gave me food and was really nice... But he lied about who he was! What if my parents were trying to make my eyes work again? What if he kept me from ever being able to see again?" Irisa was becoming hysterical, her bright blue eyes shaking and tears were cascading down her cheeks. She didn't remember sitting down, but she was on the ground trembling.

"Easy Tishinka. Calm yourself." Sukar spoke soothingly, squatting next to Irisa and placing one of his large hands on her shoulder. She sniffled and leaned into his touch.

"What if Nolan kidnapped me from my parents? What if he never loved me?"

"If he didn't love you why would he have raised you into the proud Irathient warrior you are? Why would he have gotten you medical help, why would he get you good clothing and a weapon you can defend yourself with even when you cannot see? Maybe he did lie to you about being an Irathient. When you were small would you have understood that he was willing to be your father even though he is of a different species?" Sukar encouraged Irisa to think over the events.

Irisa considered, and spoke slowly. "Well, I guess it wouldn't have made sense when I was little, but I'm not six anymore." She paused for a moment. "Why couldn't he have told me sooner? And what if my parents were trying to help me fix my eyes?" Irisa asked.

"Well, he might have feared that you would do just what you did, and flee him in fear. And even if your parents were trying to fix your vision, imagine what it seemed like to Nolan. A tiny girl bawling her eyes out and bleeding? Would you leave an injured and scared child in a situation like that? You would surely investigate and if the people scaring the child were hostile would you not fight them off?"

Irisa's eyes widened. She grabbed Sukar's arm to support herself, a dizzy spell hitting her hard.

_"Get out of here human!" It was Irisa's mother's voice._

_"Complete the ritual, make her become!" The leader of the ceremony._

_"Kill the intruders!" Irisa's birth father._

_"Leave the girl alone!" Nolan's voice, powerful and safe._

Irisa gasped for air, clinging to Sukar's arm for dear life. "Tishinka are you alright? What happened?" The Irathient man fretted over her, gently rubbing her back with his free hand.

"N-nothing. Just a dizzy spell. Nolan calls it 'PTSD' but I call it memory waves." Irisa explained, her breathing returning to normal.

"What do you mean, memory waves?" Sukar inquired, puzzled.

"Sometimes I get dizzy, and then I remember things better than when they happened. Sometimes I remember things that I wasn't even there for. It's like a dream, but it is different."

"You have a gift. Have you always had this ability?" Sukar asked her.

"No, I didn't start having these until after I met Nolan. I don't think that they are related to him though." Irisa explained. "Sometimes if I focus I can make them happen, but usually they just happen. I think I need to remember that day."

Irisa went still, concentrating on the day she met Nolan, on the ceremony. She grabbed Sukar's arm tightly again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And next time Irisa has a proper vision!
> 
> I can't really think of anything else to write here this time.


	5. Sight

_Irisa blinked a few times, vision flooding her eyes. She saw the ceremony happening. That... That must be her there, in the center. Being tied up, sobbing and struggling. She looked around, looking for her parents. She remembered them from when she was small. There! There they were! But they weren't worried for her. They didn't want to help her!_

_The man in charge cut her loose and pressed a knife into her grasp. Irisa- littler Irisa- screamed and then..._

_"Leave the girl alone!" Nolan! Irisa got her first visual of the man. He was tall, his hair was brown, very different than her own fiery hair. His eyes were blue, like her own. He didn't start shooting immediately, he only began attacking when the cult approached him with weapons, approached her younger self with weapons. He only fired off a few of the shots, his comrades did most of the shooting._

_Nolan instead put his gun's safety on, moved it to his back and approached littler Irisa. He was hesitant, she was still bawling. Nolan talked little Irisa down, calming her. The visiting Irisa turned away._

_\---_

_"You're an Irathient then, aren't you? You're strong and brave and fought for me." Irisa heard her past self speak, and she realized she had shifted memories slightly, skipping to Nolan tucking her in. Her vision clouded and vanished again, she wouldn’t need it here. She listened to Nolan tucking her in, then heard one of his friends walk over._

_"Nolan?" The voice... That was Nolan's friend Cooper._

_"Shh! Whisper. Irisa is sleeping."_

_"Fine. Look Nolan, we have to leave her at a camp for Votans, that's orders." Coop whispered._

_"No. She's a little girl, she's blind, and she wants me to take care of her." Nolan said flatly._

_"She's an Irath, you can't seriously be thinking you can raise her! She's like a baby lion, she's dangerous!" Coop hissed._

_Irisa heard a sound she recognized as Nolan slapping someone across the face. "Shut up Coop. She's a baby, but not a baby lion! She's just a little girl. She needs me, and she... Her parents did that to her. She'll be safer with me."_

_"What do you know about babysitting? Let alone babysitting a blind alien."_

_She heard the hitting sound again. "Damnit Nolan, stop that!"_

_"Stop being a jerk. I don't care that she's not human, she still needs love. And I'm all she's got right now." Littler Irisa made a small sound in her sleep, then was quiet again. "She's just a little girl. And she needs me." Nolan said._

Irisa gasped in breaths, fingers digging into Sukar's arm. The large man gently rubbed her back. "Tishinka? Are you alright? Where did you visit?"

"The first time I met Nolan. He... He did save me. I saw it. I was so young... He was told to get rid of me. He took me in instead. He broke so many rules to protect me. My... My father... I need to forgive him." Irisa explained. “My parents... there was no love in their eyes. They didn’t care I was hurt, that I was scared. They didn’t want to help me. Nolan did. He saved me even though he didn’t know me.”

Sukar nodded as she explained, but was puzzled. “You saw it? How could you see if your parents had love?”

Irisa shook her head. “Memories like this... they don’t work like a regular memory. If I think about what I had for dinner yesterday, I can’t see that. But if I have a memory wave of it, then sometimes, if they need to, my eyes work.” Irisa tried to explain it, but barely understood it herself.

Sukar considered. “It appears to me that you do possess the sight, but what your parents did to try and realize it was cruel. You have a gift Tishinka, and it shows you truth. We should help you find your father, but it is late. It would be better to seek Nolan out tomorrow.” Sukar told her. Irisa sighed.

“Okay. Thank you Mr. Sukar.” Irisa said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took awhile, but inspiration and I haven't been having the best time lately.


End file.
